Blog 31

These last five weeks I have been in the studio blackening my roll of paper for my solo show which starts the beginning of November at An Tobar Arts Centre on the Isle of Mull. The blackening process is going well though I am finding it hard going at times, very different to the previous piercing process, and very dirty. It is a very gestural act, energetic in the physical sense, not only about the roll of paper but also the space as a whole now.

I am using black pigment powder which I brush onto the paper, pushing it through the pierced holes, layers at a time. It's light and powdery and gets everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I’m constantly sweeping up the powdery 'dust' not only to re-use it but also to try and keep the space reasonably clean. I have a sweeping up ritual as I finish working in the space. What’s that all about? It makes me think of Mierle Laderman Ukeles ‘Maintenance Art’ 1973 and the pictures of her sweeping the floor and Janine Antoni ‘Loving Care’ 1992 when she soaked her hair in hair dye and mopped the floor with it.

I find the dusty studio atmosphere quite oppressive, but not depressive. I thought this process would free me up more, but I actually feel more restricted because I cannot move freely around the house at the moment as I come out the studio covered in black.

I think the emotions are perhaps, more accentuated. I have a more outward love/hate relationship with my work. I am just starting to realize how many holes I will have pierced for the last year (about a million) and am having to take on board what I have done. This realisation has brought a sense of discomfort on a very personal level, the fact that I have sat there and created all these holes. But this is the beauty of making art, and it isn’t always easy, and shouldn’t always be comfortable for either the maker or the viewer.

I have been spending time trying to work out my relationship with the black pigment powder. Anish Kapoor uses pigment for how it reacts with light, playing tricks on your eyes and perception. Yves Klein mixed pigment with a solution to make paint, and he liked the pigment for it’s powderiness and independence. When I saw the word ‘independence’, I knew that’s why I like the pigment as it is, no additions. It’s a free spirit, gets everywhere, and I think the work at the moment, the process, is about the ‘powderyness’ and also the ‘blackness’ of the pigment, and monochrome colour (white and black), light, dust, dirt... I’m having to be, and trying to be ‘non’ precious about the work now, it seems the right thing to do.

This is the largest piece of work I have made to date and it is hard to assess the artwork as a whole because of it’s size (10m long), but there are some good glimpses of clusters of pigment, little islands, across the paper. I have a sense of how it will look when complete and I have to trust that the work will look 'right' for the show even though I can't see it in full until it is hung in the gallery space. That is the delight, risk, challenge and belief that both myself and the gallery have to take in order for new works and ideas to be realized, otherwise, no one would try anything new. I will complete the roll of paper in the gallery, piercing and blackening during the show, finishing the last of the 10m roll during the exhibition, and share what I do with the visitor.

Around the studio are subtle, and not so subtle, layers of black pigment dust and I’m starting to think how does dust lay, how does dust work, dust as a word, as a subject, as a material.

Rebecca Gordon of Glasgow University is writing about me and my practice and I have received the first draft of an essay from her which will be published for the show. We have met in person in the studio and spoken at length and Rebecca has captured exactly what I do and my thinking behind it, along with adding her own slant providing me with new thoughts and ways to think about going forward. For me, her essay is a critique and has provided me a springboard to assess my current stage and where to take my work further next. It is very exciting. Seeing my work described by someone else has helped me to think in a new and revised way, perhaps with more clarity, more maturity. Sometimes you are so involved with your work and it’s only from afar, and / or through time, that it all makes sense. I had the content but couldn’t decipher it in a simple, uncomplicated way.

I have been having meetings with the Visual Arts Officer and Gallery Technician at the arts centre to discuss the installation of the show, how the work is going to be displayed and if any new equipment etc. needs ordering. Adverts, invites and posters have all been approved and are at the printing stage.

Artist Stephen Hurrel is making the films for my show and he is coming over to the studio to film the next stage of making. We will continue filming my process during the show.

Not long to go now. Four weeks.